it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
