Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
