HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
is it fun? or sober?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
