I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
