There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
