Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize