Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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