So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
