You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
