guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
