Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
