mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
