So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
