I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
