When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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