Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
