She's JV to your varsity
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
