He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
