Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
