sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
