Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize