so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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