Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
