guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
