Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
