eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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