Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
