When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
