just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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