I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
