i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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