We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
