OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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