I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
