eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
