i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want nice things and good sex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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