dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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