dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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