Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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