No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
