So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
