You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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