so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
