I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
