Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
