Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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