just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
