don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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