I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
