just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
