So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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