i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
