I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
