Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
