I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
