just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
