Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
