Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
