Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
