So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
