alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i think my cat just said my name.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
