Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
