i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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