I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
