just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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