Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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