It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
