This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I need moral support for this bender
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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