Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize